Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Posted on Wed Sep 20th, 2023 @ 5:49pm by Cadet Senior Grade Jason Grosvenor & Cadet Senior Grade Riaothren(Ren) ch'Shaorhs

1,317 words; about a 7 minute read

Mission: **ARCHIVED** 0 - Assignment Day
Location: Harveys (San Francisco)
Timeline: 3 months prior to Assignment Day

Ren checked himself in the mirror for the third time. He kept telling himself there was nothing to worry about, but the message from Jason on his PADD had been pretty cryptic. Meet me at Harvey's, I'll buy the drinks. We need to talk. From his experience, mostly holovids and holosuite simulations, that kind of message rarely meant good news.

The fact that Jason had called him to Harvey's not the Blue Room only added to his anxiety.

He finger-combed his hair, still damp from the shower. He was dressed in a pair of tan khakis and a black and tan Hawaain short-sleeved shirt

He took a hover cab to 500 Castro Street and stepped into the eatery, looking for his boyfriend.

Jason used the public transporter system to get him to his destination, although the Blue Room was his favourite he thought it would be best to meet his boyfriend somewhere he liked. He hadn't had many classes on his schedule today so he had plenty of time to think but recently he came to the conclusion.

Dawning his basic white shirt, navy suit jacket, and black jeans combo with his short blonde hair and his eyes matching the skin of an Andorian, he strolled into the Harveys. and sat himself up against the bar, awaiting for Ren to walk through the door in one of his silly Haiwan shirts.

More than a bit apprehensive, but doing his best not to show it, Ren walked into Harveys It was early enough so the crowd was fairly sparse, maybe twenty-five people at most. Almost immediately, he saw Jason. The blond hair was easy to spot and as usual, he was dressed well, far less casual than most of the crowd in the place.

He walked over towards him, smiling as if it was any other date.

"Hi," Jason said softly dazzling a smile. He hadn't really thought of a plan but the thought had been burning in the back of his mind since he realised there could be no legal heir to his title. "You know those speeches that you plan in your head but you don't really know how to word?" He asked rhetorically, fingers dancing around his cup filled with clear warm water.

Ren let out a long, slow breath as he sat down. "Why do I get the feeling that this isn't a surprise birthday party, even though it's not my birthday kind of thing?"

"It's a surprise alright," Jason expressed fixated to her glass. "... We should go our separate ways Ren, or um... at least take a break after all we've got final exams then a shake-down cruise." Jason still wasn't focusing on his Andorain boyfriend, something was eating him up inside that wasn't exam stress.

"If I'm being honest, it's not that much of a surprise. You've been... distant lately. Like you're there and you're not there."

He extended a hand and put it on Jason's shoulder. What isreally going with you? I know we're not perfect, but I thought we were working."

With Ren's hand on his shoulder, he couldn't help but stare into his blue eyes and smile, he tried not to but he couldn't stop himself, he was trying so hard to not let his body language say he was scared of duty, the duty of securing a male heir by blood to succeed him.

"No, I really want to focus on my exams" Jason studdered but Ren could probably guess the real reason, "he isn't stupid, he's fast at flying... and beautiful... I love him" The Duke of Westminister thought to himself, this was really painful for him to do.

"That's. Not. True. I mean we all want to focus on our exams, but our being together, or our not being together isn't going to change your grade on any test, it's not going to change which ship we're assigned."

"I think the real reason is because of this whole carrying on the royal line bullshit. I mean I get it. Sort of. You've got this sense of duty thing going on. Which I guess is admirable and I know I respect."

He pulled his hand off of Jason's shoulder and pressed his index finger in the center of his lover's chest. He wanted to poke him hard, to make him wake up, but his touch was gentle.

"But that duty is fucking with who you are in here. You're trying to conform with other's expectations, instead of being true to yourself. Some day you're going to live to regret your decision because you're making it for all the wrong reasons. You're making it based on the expectations of others."

Jason was trying his hardest not to cry but a singular tear fled from his eye and dripped down his left cheek, his heart was breaking into pieces watching the only person he felt for defending them.

"I'm sorry Riaothren," Jason said in broken Andorian, lanauges weren't his thing before turning back to Federation Basic. "But this is the best thing. For both of us." Jason's hand gently grasped the blue arm, whilst smiling at him, this time more tears dropped turning into a silent storm.

Ren was right. He was already regretting this, Jason wasn't raised to rule neither was his father and despite knowing other British nobility, he had no mentor except Ren. Was it worth destroying the only good thing?

At any other time, the Andorian would have thought it was adorable that his boyfriend, his ex-boyfriend now, was trying to speak to him in his native language. He wasn't bothering it exactly, but Ren had a hard time understanding him and his pronunciation was all wrong. Ren didn't correct him, he didn't have the heart, because this wasn't any other time. This was now.

The man he'd fallen in love with was breaking up with him and that was the second worst thing that happened to him in his life. What made things even more heartbreaking was he was doing it for all the wrong reasons. The reasons were real, he could tell the tears were genuine, and they were complicated, but they were wrong.

By this time, he too was crying and both antennae had fallen forward into his face.

He took a deep centering breath. "How is the better for both of us?" he posed. "You're miserable and so am I."

Jason couldn't dispute that... He was right. "I don't know," He honestly said. "But it'll be better for us in the long term." His arm resting up against the bar at which they sat, the longer he sat here and tried to justify the reasons the longer he saw them as illogical.

"I don't accept that," Ren replied a hint of anger rising through his pain. "I just can't."

"I made the decision to be true to myself, to stand up to my parents and not compromise, and that was before I even met you. Why can't you do that for me? For us?"

Jason's heart was already in a thousand pieces but this was too painful for Ren, "I'm sorry Ren. Really I am" He said tearfully as he stood up from the barstool. No going back, they already started going down the road.

"You have to do, what you have to do. I can't control you, I won't try. I just think... Well forget what I think, you're not going to listen."

Then he stood and began moving toward the exit walking as rapidly as possible.

Jason watched as Ren walked through the door all that was running through his mind was the happiest moments of his life... Did he go too far? Was their relationship destroyed beyond repair? Tears dropped from his face and onto the bar... no one to comfort him, no one to listen to him. No one like Ren.

 

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